I have been very stressed as of late, and I feel like I am being chased by some evil, this entity, this voice, that only tells me that I will fail, and that I have no one to support me.
I know I have people that support me, and I appreciate every single one of you. but i'm still scared, and there isn't anywhere for me to hide this time.
This entire graduation process has stressed me out to the point where I am having anxiety issues every day. I am terrified to be out on my own for the first time ever.
I act tough, but the sad truth is, I'm not. Not even close.
Everyone keeps telling me I have nothing to be afraid of but, why then have they spent so much time stressing on all the terrible things that they went through? It feels like they are trying to scare me... I know that they aren't, but sometimes I feel like they forget what it was like to be where I am now.
Sometimes, I wish I just had someone to talk to again, someone who would listen and not judge me, but still tell me when I am over reacting. I had someone like that once, but I did something stupid and now they want nothing to do with me, but I digress.
I know my friends and family have tried to comfort me... but none seem to understand my true fear...
I'm gonna tell you guys a secret, not so much a secret now, but the truth is, I am terrified of being alone. Being alone occasionally is nice, but the thought of being alone in a tiny apartment, with no one to hold me, and talk to, and just in general be there physically... I don't know if I can handle that.
I have always fought to be independent, but I need people, I need support, without it, I become depressed, and I start to doubt myself. That stupid thought in the back of my head always comes back "no one wants you" "you will never reach your dream" but I am sick of it. I am tired of letting my anxiety control me, so if any of you guys read far enough to see this, what's your biggest challenge in life right now?
I know that talking about this kind of thing seems scary especially on the internet, but know that I am here, for each and every one of you, just like you guys have been here for me.
Every comment, every note, every llama, gives me hope for my future, so let me repay all of you beautiful people with the same kindness you have shown me.
Thank you guys for sticking with me for all this time, even though I barely ever post because I forget to a lot. LOL
I love you guys, I really do, and thank you for all of the love and support.